


Marinette is not Chat Noir

by JustAFigment



Series: Drunken Shenanigans and the Events They Cause [1]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: 10 shots is way too much, Drinking age in Paris is 18, Drunken Shenanigans, Hinted Love Square, Identity Reveal, OK so it accidentally a little more than hinted love square, and more than no romance, but I had fun writing this mess, but it's really quick and not really addressed, but this isn't a romance technically?, dont take 10 shots, i dont know what i'm doing, legally drunk Parisian Teenagers, lowkey Alyanette sort of, please, super lowkey romance not romance, there's smooches, you'll die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-19 14:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10641429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAFigment/pseuds/JustAFigment
Summary: And she can prove it, too.





	1. 10 shots is enough Pun-ishment, don't you think?

Finals were over. Finals were finally over.  
  
There was no school the following week, and Marinette was enough of an adult to make the kinds of terrible life decisions one can only make before reaching the beautiful age of twenty, and dammit, with her track record, she was due at least one bad life choice tonight.  
  
That choice, it turns out, was drinking with her best friend. Alya had taken her to not one, not two, but four bars over the course of the night, both in celebration, and in an attempt to ease the the fact that in a few days, her basic education would be over, and Adrien would probably be going off to some prestigious school abroad, or jumping straight into his modeling career and she’d be stuck attending design school and would probably never get to see him again.  
  
Ok, so never would be exaggerating it a bit. They had all been hanging out regularly together outside of school for the last couple of years, after Nino and Alya had become an official ‘thing’ and tended to stay joined at the hip, but the lack of mandatory daily interaction promised to cut into her babe-watching time, as her brain so maturely put it. You have a stray thought once and it never goes away.

****

Right now though the stray thought that wouldn’t go away belonged to her best friend. And she was being very vocal about it as they made their weaving way down the street towards Alya’s home.

****

“It’s been like, four years. How have I not nailed this in four years? It didn’t even take this long to nail Nino!” She shouted to the sky, one arm slung around Marinette’s shoulders as she shook a fist above her head. Marinette laughed, her own balance greatly in question as she wavered towards the street, correcting them back towards the center of the sidewalk.  
  
“Oh my god, Alya, not so loud!” She hugged her friend, smushing her cheek. “No one needs to know what you to do in the dark.” A catlike grin plastered onto her face. “At least not out here.”  
  
“Oooh, Miss Dupain-Cheng, are you trying to pry details from a journalist?” Alya laughed and it was contagious as the two giggled their way up the stairs to their destination.

****

Long story short, her family was away for various reasons. Her siblings were with a friend for the night, her mother was seeing to something or other at the hotel that would require her over night, some kind of event, and her father was helping with a late night arrival at the zoo. Not that what they were doing was against the teens celebrating the end of their pre-university curriculum, but when the two girls got themselves riled up, well, it was better to start clear. They were responsible, trusted, and utterly ridiculous together after alcohol was introduced in more than minimal quantities, and the honored ladies of the evening wouldn't have it any other way.

****

Throwing open the door, Alya tossed her bag and keys onto an end table, flopping bodily onto the couch and letting Marinette deal with closing the door. “Tell you what. I'll offer up a buffet of details about the down and dirty things I do with my man when you've got your own dish to bring to the table with Monsieur Agreste.” She pointed a toe in the dark haired girls direction before toeing off her shoes. An action interrupted by the body of said dark haired girl as it landed on top of her with a groan.

****

“Aaaaaalya nooo.” Marinette whined. “ Can we not go down this road? I'm not sober enough for emotions right now. Don't take advantage of my weaknesses.” Face in chest she clung to the other girl. And whined. Actually let out a low pitch whine in a pitiful attempt to garner sympathy.

****

“Alya yes.” She patted her head. “Girl, you've got like three weeks tops to ask your, and I quote, golden Adonis sun child out before the it get like a million times harder. Don't whine at me. No. Stop it.” She shoved her friend, who was surprisingly solid. “Chin up. No really, chin up, your stabbing mah boob. Thank you.” They were both giggling at that point, but the topic was still on as Marinette settled more into a sitting…Leaning position next to Alya instead.

****

“Look, he doesn't like me like that. I know that. Can we just… let it go? For now at least? I don't want to end up crying all over the place, because if you keep driving this train I promise it's gonna detail and we'll all end up in tears. No survivors. It'll be a total cat-tastrophy.” She mimed an explosion with her hands and dozens of people falling to their doom. Cute.

****

Alya was just shaking her head. “Do you even realize how much you pun when you're drunk? Like really, you could give Chat Noir a run for his money.” She was getting up, heading over to the kitchen area and snagging a few bottles  off the counter. Oh man, _more_ liquor? Hell yeah.

****

“Please, with as often as I hear them I could probably shut him down. That mangy stray wouldn't stand a chance.” She snorted, shaking her head. “What's that for?” Marinette eyed the bottles.

****

“Shots. Every time you pun, we drink. Or whenever we feel like it. But if you call a shot, we take a shot.” She was ginning ear to ear as she plopped back down on the couch, opening up a laptop on the table and doing a quick check of the ladyblog.

****

“Hey now, no blogging on girls night. You promised.” She shoved her shoulder, not intentionally hard but enough to rock her into the far arm of the couch. It just earned her a laugh.

****

“I know, I know, I just don't want to miss anything.” She missed her friend muttering a guarantee about there not being any to miss. “Anyway, where do you hear all these puns to put yourself above par with Chat Noir, huh?” She skimmed her movie collection, grabbing a random something just for background noise. “You some kind of secret comedy guru?”

****

They both laughed.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Well into the second movie of the night, they were both eight shots in. Well, Marinette was up at ten, really, but only because Alya had cut herself off after one purr-ticularly pun-tuated sentence that meow-be claw-d have sent them to the in-fur-mari for meow-cohol poisoning.

****

Marinette, apparently, was indeed a force to be reckoned with when it came to wordplay.

****

So much so Alya had already accused _her_ but of being the real Chat Noir more than once and insisted that the magic from their suits was just fucking with her.

****

The first time had been hilarious. Marinette nearly laughed herself sick at the idea. The second time was still amusing but the fact that Alya was now fixated on this fact, and the raging dizziness that was springing up in the back of her head were dampening the fun of it. By the fourth time Marinette was done.

****

“Look, I’m _not_ that stupid tom cat. So I tossed out a few puns, it’s not exactly hard to rock if you can just roll with it.” She growled over the television. She wasn’t mad at Alya exactly, but she was mad at Alya. The nice buzz she’d had earlier had been pushed well past the enjoyable point, and Alya was already pouring her another shot. Two shots.

****

She shoved one of them towards Marinette. “Drink this, you got three more for that one, kitty.”

****

The dark haired girl flung her arms up, upending the shot glass from Alya’s hand and thankfully missing the computer with the flying liquid.

****

“Alya, I swear to god.“ She huffed, standing up and stomping away from the couch, regretting her suddenly vertical nature, but too agitated to care beyond the moderate discomfort in her, well, everything. She did not feel well. “You want me to _prove_ to you that I’m not that furball? Because trust me, I can.” She pointed a finger at her best friend. “In. A. _Heartbeat._ ”

****

Alya was staring agape at the discarded shot glass, her friend's sudden rage more than a little startling. “Sure. Fine. Go ahead, prove me wrong, since you seem to be sooooo adamant about it, whiskers.” She was glaring at Marinette now. It wasn’t often she saw her get angry, especially not towards herself. “Disprove my theory, if you _can._ ”

****

Marinette had the audacity to smirk.

****

“You’re going to eat those words. Spots on!”

****

A bright pink flash exploded from the petite girl, leaving Alya momentarily blinded and blinking as her vision refocused.

****

Disbelieve etched into her features over the course of a full minute as Marinette… no.. as Ladybug stood in her livingroom, smirking with a shit eating grin that belonged better on her black clad partner.

****

It took another minute for Alya to find her words again and pick her jaw up from the floor. “No...” She pointed a shaky finger at the hero in front of her. “No way… No _fucking_ way!” She stood, hands flying into her hair as she went to make her way over to her apparently _super_ best friend, winging her foot on the table and, without proper sobriety to correct her downward motion, landed on the floor instead, looking upwards from her feet of her idol. “Are you _kidding me?_ ” She screeched.

****

Marinette crouched down in front of her friend, pressing a finger against Alyas nose, the same way she’d done to Chat an uncountable number of times over the years. “Told you I wasn’t Chat Noir.” The amount of smarm dripping from her words could have filled an olympic sized swimming pool thrice over. Realization of her error in judgement hadn’t quite caught up to her yet as she basked in the glory of one-upping her usually astute companion. She did offer the floored girl a hand, hefting her back up to her feet, if a bit unsteadily. The flabbergasted expression that refused to leave Alya’s face had her breaking out into giggles, however, and as the dumbfounded excitement seeped out of her friends shoulders she joined into the contagious laughter.

****

“Oh my god, Marinette.” She shook her head, leaning in to hug her bestie, but stopped short, smacking her _hard_ on the shoulder instead as playful anger flared. “You’ve been _trolling me,_ all this time, haven’t you. The pictures, the interviews, the _sleep overs._ ” Her glare was fierce, but the grin on her face stole back much of it’s fire. “I told you my _theories_ and you just let me speculate for years!” She smacked her again, the giggles returning. “You ass. The next thing you know you’re going to be telling me that Chat’s actually Adrien and your whole crush thing has been one big act.”

****

Marinette doubled over, still unable to get her giggles under control as she hung off her friend, rubbing her abused shoulder. “Oh yeah right. Mister gentleman sunshine boy as the cocky, smart-ass?” Sure, they had the same hair and eye color… and about the same height. And body type she guessed. But that’s where the similarities stopped, right?

****

She shook her head, wandering back over to the couch and dragging Alya along with her.

****

“No, no, no, girl, hear me out.” She insisted as Marinette sat, following suit and leaning on, holy crap, _Ladybug_. “Ok, so, I’ve been doing some thinking, right? Chat’s got skills. Remember Darkblade, the knight guy?” She waited for Marinette to nod before continuing. “Well,” She leaned forward to her computer, opening a few folders and bringing up some of the video files that had never made it to the Ladyblog. “Look. Here, right here. How he’s using his baton. That’s not just sword fighting, that’s fencing, right? I know you’ve watched him at practice more than a time or two.” She eyed her friend slyly. The mask hid Marinette’s blush well, but not well enough.

****

“Yeah, ok, but there are a lot of guys in his fencing class, and there are a lot of guys that know how to fence.” She tacked another similarity onto her list of connections. “One thing doesn’t prove it.”  
  
Alya frowned. She was used to Marinette disproving her theories, but now she at least knew why. “Alright then, how bout the fact that neither of you have ever been Akumatized when literally all of our classmates have over the last few years? Or what about that _ring_ he always wears on the same finger as Chat Noir’s? And don’t hit me with that it looks different stuff. I just saw yours change in front of my face, so looking for a black ring with a pawprint on it is definitely off my watch list.”

****

Alya sat back up, holding her fingers up in front of her as she counted off similarities. “I’ve gotten it in interviews that Chat doesn’t like his home life too much, which would fit with Adrien’s shitty dad. Nino can confirm that Adrien is a dirty punning fool just like you are when you loosen up, so there’s another one. You two _both_ run off at the same time as soon as an akuma strike, again, Nino can confirm this on multiple occasions, including times we’ve all been trapped together and you _both magically disappear_ right from under our noses.” She huffed. “If one of you is tired, usually the other one is too, _and let’s not forget the most damning evidence!_ ” She finally glanced up at Ladybug, also known as Marinette, again taking note of the pale complexion that reigned in stark contrast to her earlier blush. “Adrien is head over heels _ga-ga_ as a Ladybug, and LadyNoir fanboy. The only other person I could even _think of_ that comes close to how much he absolutely drools over her is that cat in black himself.” She shrugged her shoulders, holding her hands out as if the evidence were enough to make it so, regardless of the facts. “But for some reason, when I try to put the two of them together, my brain just screams no. The same way that when I did first suspect you might be Ladybug, you know, because of the hair and eyes, I just couldn’t see it. Like, aggressively.”

****

“Oh… Oh shit.”

****

Alya shook her head, eyebrows raised in triumph. It was probably the magic. That was really it. It was probably the magic protecting their identities. Even with all the points laid out in front of her, the better part of Marinette’s brain was yelling at her that no, there was no way Adrien could be Chat Noir. On the other hand, it would make _sense_ if not for the awful feeling of doubt that sprang up from seemingly nowhere. But she couldn’t put her finger on anything solid as to why.

****

“Alya you bitch.” She laughed. “You beautiful, beautiful bitch.” Marinette leaned forward, pulling her friend close and planting a kiss on her cheek. “I love you. I have to go.” She said, springing up from the couch and striding towards the door. The world was spinning, but now she was on a mission.

****

“What? Wait! No I have so many questions!” Alya was scrambling up after her.  
  
“Can’t wait. Talk tomorrow.” Marinette let herself out, thankful for her enhanced coordination that came with the magic as she took the stairs down two at a time, heading out into the night before Alya could reach the top of the stairs, unhooking her yo-yo and swung off into the night.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write a drunk fic, so I did.
> 
> Yeah.
> 
> Part 2 coming up soon!
> 
> PS, I'm very aware Parisian schooling is much different from American schooling, but at the time of starting this, it was probably like 5 in the morning and I just binge-wrote till I passed out. This is not a super serious story. Enjoy the crack for what it is, lol.
> 
> Don't judge me.  
>  Nah, go on and judge me. I don't care ;3


	2. Worshiping the Purr-elain God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug confronts Adrien and finds out she MIGHT have had too much to drink.
> 
> Thanks, Alya.

Adrien Agreste, for what it's worth, was not a light sleeper.

****

That said, the resounding impression of a gong that was made by a solid body slamming into a large pane of bulletproof glass was more than loud enough to, most likely, startle the boy within the giant fish tank he called a room into some form of wakefulness. Or at least Ladybug hoped so. It would make breaking into his bedroom that much easier if he could just.

****

You know.

****

Open a window for her instead.

****

She cupped her hands against the window and peered in, leaning precariously on the tiny ledge that edged the definitely openable window. She knew this to be a fact from the various akuma related events that had given her cause to casually,  _ ahem _ , break into the Agreste mansion. Through Adrien's bedroom. Purely for ease of access and discretion, of course. Ladybug was pleased to see that the lump on the dark-sheeted bed across the room was in fact moving in a decidedly non-sleep-like manner. 

****

“Come on…” She grumbled to herself. She was drunk, true, but she didn't know how long this liquid courage was going to keep it's hold on her. Or how long she'd really be able to keep her balance on the sliver of a ledge. She knocked on the glass. “No, kitty, this  _ isn't a dream. _ Get your cute butt out of bed and open the stupid window.” She knew he couldn't hear her, but that was ok. It made her feel like he would move faster anyway. And his butt really was cute. Bou she hoped she wasn't wrong.

****

She almost giggled when the covers finally flew up off the figure and he scrambled towards the window. Her night vision was nowhere near as good as her partners, but with the moon out behind her she could easily make out the wide eyes look of confusion plastered across his face.

****

She knocked again for good measure and before the third wrap the window was heaved open. And she tipped forwards into the room.

****

Oops. 

****

_ Geronimo! _ She thought, the blonde boy beneath her rising rapidly with arms outstretched. Or, rather, she fell into his open arms. Man, if she wasn't trashed she'd check off one of her many early fantasies. Adrien Agreste saving the falling damsel Marinette from certain danger.

****

But right now she was Ladybug and damn it she was on a mission.

****

Even with the force of the fall, not much but still, her feet landed beneath her with years of practice and muscle memory, and only allowed herself a moment to bask in the wonderful feeling of Adrien's arms around her.

****

“Ladybug, what are you do-” She cut him off immediately, pulling his hands up to her face and discarding the left after her brain caught up with figuring out left from right, squinting hard at the silver ring that had lived on his finger about as long as she'd known him.

****

He was rigid as a statue as she scrutinized the accessory.

****

“This ring.” She started, flipping his hand over once, and then again, examining it from all angles. “God  _ damnit.”   _ She saw him flinch in the fuzzy space past his hand, full focus still on the silver ring. She tried to switch her focus from the ring and his hand to his face in the darkness.

****

It took a few blinks to right her eyes from the up-close examination to one at a bit more of a normal distance. She leaned in closer.

****

His hair was sunshine blonde. His eyes were a gorgeous vivid green. She  _ knew _ he had a devilish smoulder and a shit eating smirk he kept in reserve for only particular photoshoots, the day those particular prints had been added to her wall her stomach had done such a flip that the next day she had a hard time looking at her innocent gentlemanly sun child unable to comprehend the absolute way those pictures and his poses absolutely dripped with sexual innuendo. That was the day Marinette no longer considered herself a girl, but a woman, because her boy-crush Adrien was most  _ definitely _ a man. 

****

But it hadn't clicked that that same devilish smoulder and shit eating smirk already belonged on the face of her  _ partner _ . 

****

She shook her head to clear her thoughts, swaying the tiniest bit on her feet as she  _ peered _ at him. She squinted.

****

“Are you Chat Noir?” Point blank. There was no use beating around the bush. This was a fact that she needed to know, and damn it she needed to know now.

****

He gulped audibly. He looked confused. And nervous. He hadn't tried to pull his hand away but he did take a step back, his eyes darting to the side and looking anywhere but at her.

****

“Adrien handsome boy Agreste. Are. You. Chat. Noir?” She took an unsteady step forward, following him backwards as he retreated. There was a wavering intensity to her that just wouldn't quit, try as it might.  Perhaps swinging recklessly though Paris before the full effects of the last few shots hit her wasn't the best idea at the time, but there's a point where the amount of alcohol one consumes trumps common sense to a stifling degree and she had definitely passed that mark ages ago.

****

He wrinkled his nose after she spoke, eyebrows raising into his bed-messy hairline. Without his locks tamed he really did look like Chat.  _ Double _ damn it. “Are… Are you drunk?” He kept retreating backwards.

****

And she pressed on. “That's not the question right now, Chaton.” She was sure of it. As sure as she was that she was going to scream all of her future hangover anguish straight into Alya’s ear the next day.

****

The back of Adrien's knees connected with his couch and he fell back, sitting, looking up at her at a loss.

****

She couldn't be wrong, right? His unease was starting to seep into her. She swallowed nervously against a rising lump in her throat. “Look, Adrien, if I am wrong this is going to be such an awkward thing to explain, so if you are Chat I'd really appreciate it if you'd fess up right now before I end up making a complete fool of myself.” She inched closer still, hiking one knee up onto the couch beside him and, well, decided  _ fuck it _ . She slipped right into his lap, straddling his legs, his right hand tucked between them and held tightly in her own. 

****

He was trembling. He was probably terrified. Doubly so if he actually wasn't her kitty, but she  _ just knew _ he had to be. Or was she actually wrong? Had she really just finagled her way into her crushes room, accosted him with a ludicrous claim, and then intimately invaded his personal space? Is that what just happened here? Bile and cold fear crept up at the back of her neck and her hold on his hand loosened.

****

She'd never be able to look at Adrien as Marinette ever again. 

****

Oh god, what had she done. 

****

Wait… 

****

What was he…

****

Her eyes snapped back into sharp focus at the slow, small movement of his head tilting up and down. Repeated. Almost like he was nodding.

****

“It… it's me, my Lady.” His cheeks were flushed. They  _ were _ very close, after all. Her shoulders sagged as she relaxed onto his lap, her nervous tension and anxious intensity draining with a long sigh of relief. He wrinkled his nose again. She must really reek of alcohol. But whatever. Alya you brilliant bastard.

****

“Thank god.” She almost laughed, watching as he seemed to read her body language, his own tension easing away as he leaned back near bonelessly into the couch. God, she could just kiss him. Huh.  _ Huh. _

****

She loved his chuckle. That sound he was making right now. Yep, she absolutely loved it. And she absolutely loved Adrien. And she guessed she did love her silly partner too. Heck, if Adrien hadn't been a thing she probably would have let him sweep her off her feet in a heartbeat. And even then he'd had quite a bit of success in the task, as much as she'd state otherwise.

****

And he had been honest with her when she asked just now.

****

His quiet laughter was contagious, and she giggled softly in response as she leaned in close. The wonderful sounds coming from him stuttered to a stop half a moment before her lips met his.

****

The little startled noise that Ladybug’s liquid courage won her with the brazen move was oh so much nicer, though.  It was a simple kiss. Just a tiny little thing that she pulled back from after the moment of contact, humming happily to herself. Lips turned up in the smallest little smirk as she took in his wide eyes and slightly parted lips. 

****

“What's wrong, kitty?” Her eyes were sparkling with intent, something hot boiling up inside her, something that had been a very  _ very _ long time coming. “Cat got your tongue?” She slapped a Cheshire-grade grin across her face, the ultimate smug pleasure she drew from the fractional widening of his already saucer shaped eyes was unimaginably satisfying. He was absolutely aghast as his jaw hung open. 

****

“You- that's not- I don't-" He was babbling. It was cute. She kissed him again and he shut up in an instant. This one lasted a little bit longer, her lips lingering against his as she leaned forward against him, totally not because balance was something of a foreign concept for her at the moment. Oh most certainly not because of that at all. Thankfully his hands snaked around her waist, holding her tentatively against him. 

****

She pulled back from the kiss, hesitant to break the contact. “ Wanna try that one again, minou?”

****

He stared up at her. Slightly up. They were actually at a pretty similar height with her over his lap. She thought they fit rather nicely.

****

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to collect himself before he spoke. A deep breath, and then another. “You… you think I'm handsome?”  She smiled. That was a funny first question, but she'd take it and offered a shrug.

****

“Calling a purr-tty boy like you handsome is like calling the Mona Lisa a nice doodle.” She winked. He swallowed. “Monsieur Agreste, I'll have you know that meeting you was paw-sibly the most painful day of my life.” She nodded, quite matter-of-factly.

****

He paled for a minute and his brows furrowed before a wash of confusion spread across his face. “And, uhm, why is that, my Lady?” She really could see why he always had so much fun with all these puns and pickup lines.

****

“Well…” She started slowly. “I never expected to fall so hard when you fell from heaven and crashed into my life.” She bit her lip, giggling through a grin and tapped him on the nose once. The return of his blush was instantaneous and intense, visible even in the darkness.

****

“To be fair, Ladybug, you're the one that crashed into me.” He tilted his head, a shy yet cheeky grin of his own playing across his face. “Quite litter-ally, might I add.”

****

“Maybe that's true, but  _ you _ paw-sitively swept me off my feet with kindness when I was being the purr-sni-kitty one at fur-st.” She nodded definitely. She might have regretted the action a moment later, but this was impurrtant. Important. “All kitten aside, do you have any idea how hard it is to juggle a double crush for four freaking years? It's so dumb!” She rubbed a hand across half of her face, pushing her bangs up out of the way. “And then to have the truth just shoved under your nose like that. And it made  _ so much sense _ .” She leaned back laughing and felt his arms catch her before she could topple too far. Good thing too. Her balance was checked out for the night. 

****

“Easy.” He was staring again as he pulled her back towards him to safety. She melted against him, nuzzling her head into his shoulder because gosh he was comfortable. And solid. And the room was spinning just a lot more than she was ok with. “Just how much have you had, LB?”  He sounded amused. Still startled, but definitely amused. Why wasn't he asking more questions? She expected more questions. He was always so chatty. She snorted.

****

“One per pun. That was the rule. I had to take a shot for every pun I made after we got back to her place. Can you believe she thought that I was you? Not Adrien you, but Chat you. Because I wouldn't cut it out.” She huffed, screwing her eyes shut tight as he chuckled. It was a nice sound.

****

“How many puns did you make?” Oh boy, he'd love this.

****

“I dunno. Probably like a dozen or so. It was a few hours, but my girl's got some good liquor. She definitely doesn't play when there's something to celebrate.” She clapped a hand on his opposite shoulder. “No more studying till university, yeah? Totally worth it.” Maybe worth it. And he'll, she'd gotten to  _ kiss _ Adrien, so whatever the morning held for her, tonight was definitely a win.

****

“You pun when you're drunk…” She could  _ feel _ him shake his head. The motion was not quite appreciated. “I never would have guessed.” She could  _ feel _ the small smirk in his voice. And his hand as it rubbed up and down her back soothingly. “You gonna need to stay here tonight, Bugaboo?” 

****

She nodded. She trusted him. She regretted the nod. Her hand tightened on his shoulder and she sat bolt upright.

****

“Off.” She was moving, pulling away from him at the sudden deep uncomfortable warmth swirled in her gut. Each second that ticked by as she tried to untangle herself from him, and him doing the same, only added layers of frantic desperation to her actions. “Bathroom.” 

****

She stumbled back from the couch, beelining across the room and disappearing past the door with the shark crossing sign still hung on it. Well, formerly hung on it. It now resided on the floor after the force Ladybug used to slam the door open.

****

The porcelain god shined in the pale moonlight.

****

She thanked the powers that be that the lid was already up.

****

A moment later and she sank to her knees in front of her new altar and paid homage to the semi-aquatic deity in the most primitive or ways.

****

Beside her, lingering in the doorway, Adrien Agreste watched Paris’s number one superhero retch into his toilet after an exceptionally hard night of civilian drinking. 

****

Ladybug hadn’t heard him approach, but the hands that delicately pulled her pigtails away from the sides of her face didn’t make her jump. In fact, they were very much appreciated. Everything was spinning inside her head, the last shot of the night having finally pushed her past the peak of her tolerance and tumbling over the precipice into the tumultuous chasm that was the land of way to much fucking alcohol. She was used to drinking a little wine here and there, and she had of course had a few opportunities since she turned eighteen to partake in harder beverages before the tonight, but she never would have expected the sudden, violent reaction her body would have after testing her own limits.

****

Correction. After Alya had tested her own limits.

****

She groaned between heaving breaths. Adrien rubbed her back between her shoulders. He was such a blessing. He really was.

****

“Thank you…” She drawled, letting her head hang a bit more as he chuckled behind… beside? Behind-side her.

****

“Anything for you, my Lady.” He was laughing at her. She knew he was. She didn’t blame him at all, though.  “Do you feel any better?”

****

She was going to kiss him silly.

****

Well, after she got her hands on a toothbrush and some aspirin. “No.” She felt miserable, and yet still somehow very okay with everything. “Screw Alya… Screw Alya and her stupid theories and her stupid shots and her stupid rules about puns.” She folded her arms on the front of the seat, letting her chin rest just over the edge. Holding her head up right now was way too much work, and the cold tile… marble… whatever of the floor felt amazing. “Our friendship is here-with dissolved. Trust broken.” She grumbled. “How could she do this to meeee. I thought what we had was special.” She laughed weakly, Adrien rising behind her now that the worst of it seemed to be over.

****

“So, you know Alya too?” He inquired. She heard the faucet running somewhere near her. More noise she didn’t want to deal with, but it was probably Adrien’s doing. Chat’s doing. Huh, Adrien was Chat. It made so much sense. “I mean beyond her being probably our purr-ferred journalist.”    
  
“Yeah.” She almost nodded but caught herself before performing the traitorous action. “Yeah, I do. Some best friend  _ she _ is, though.” He hummed softly and the faucet went quiet, and a moment later he was back beside her and nudging her arm. She cracked an eye, squinting sideway. Never in her life had she been so relieved to see a glass of water. “You’re beautiful.”

****

He chuckled again, quietly thank god, as she accepted the liquid offering. “Rinse first.” He flushed the toilet with his now freed hand, ridding it of it’s offending contents. He was right, though. Everything tasted awful. A few attemptedly dainty spits later, she paused. Wait a minute…    
  
“... How many times have you been this drunk.” She did not narrow her eyes at him. If she squinted her eyes any more than they were already, she’d close them. “Cause you sure know an awful lot about post eruption aftercare.” She took a tentative sip, intending to swallow the water this time instead of just recycling it back into the toilet. Oh, he was offering her a damp towel too. Sweet precious angel. She had absolutely  _ the best _ partner. If only he’d stop spinning. If only everything would stop spinning.   
  
“Well, Miss Vesuvius, that would be exactly zero.” He smirked at her as she wiped her mouth and chin. It wasn’t bad, but the cool cloth felt amazing. She did narrow her eyes now, effectively closing them and letting her head rest back on one arm and draped the cloth over the back of her neck. “I have had my fair share of experiences helping certain models use some explosive methods to fit into outfits on shoot-days, however. An unfortunate skill to pick up, but I’m glad the it’s come in handy.”

****

“Oh.” Ok, that did make a lot of sense. She listened as he settled himself on the floor, the soft tamp of the cabinet door closing as he leaned back against it loud in the echoey bathing chamber that was often unfairly referred to as a bathroom. Silence reigned after that, save for the steady sound of breathing, mingling as the quiet inhales and exhales alternated between them.

****

He was probably freaking out.

****

She would maybe think about freaking out later. It really was hard to focus on something like that right now with the way her head was throbbing and everything seemed to move and sway and waver around her, even though she knew she was sitting still. And the nausea was still there, lingering at the back of her throat like it was just waiting for her to let her guard down. She really didn’t want to throw up again.

****

She felt a little bit bad, in hindsight. Ladybug had just barged into Adrian's room in the middle of the night, a little less than casually coerced him out of bed, practically assaulted him, gently, on his couch, and probably flipped his world upside down by outing his secret life as her totally awesome and kick-ass partner in fighting crime. All in like, what, the past ten minutes? Fifteen minutes? 

****

Oh, and she totally kissed him, too. A couple of times.

****

_ Oh.  _ Not to mention the little fact that he’d been the one to hold her hair back for her while she undid some bad life choices in his personal bathroom.

****

She could feel the blush of shame creeping up behind her mask as the events of the night recounted in her mind. Everything was absolutely gravy right now. Wait. No, no gravy was definitely not the best term for current events. Not in the slightest.

****

More like it was that awful gritty feeling in your shoes after you’ve been at the beach and accidentally took some sand with you. Like you had a great day, but the regret of not knocking the sand out of them before you left is strong.

****

She sighed, interrupting her steady breathing and earning a startled shift from her companion. She pulled the mostly empty glass of water back up to her lips, finishing it off and cracking her eyes back open again. 

****

The bleary eyed Adrien smiling softly back at her nearly made her choke on the sweet fuzzy feelings he caused. “Hey.” She offered a small smile back to him.

****

“Hey, yourself.” His smile drew wider and he carefully plucked the now empty cup from her hands, setting it somewhere out of the way. He was being awfully quiet. Both in volume and word count.

****

“Am I in trouble…?” It was a lazy question at best. He certainly didn’t look mad, but she knew he was pretty good at keeping his thoughts in check when he wanted to. “Cause I feel like a kid that’s already been found out by their parents, but they’re waiting for the kid to fess up first.” He was smart. She knew she’d probably already said too much.

****

“Oh, I don’t know Buginette. Is there something you  _ should _ be in trouble for?” It was weird, seeing Chat’s trademark smirk plastered across Adrien’s bed-mussed face. His tired, bed-mussed face.   
  
“Well, I did wake you up at an ungodly hour.” Was it ungodly? She actually wasn’t sure of the time. Maybe it was almost morning and he was going to be getting up soon anyway? He always had been a pretty early riser.

****

“Oh, that was fur-given when you planted a kiss on me. That was a claw-ful nice surprise wake-up call.” 

****

She was blushing again. That was most definitely something he wasn’t going to be letting go anytime soon. She knew these things. She could tell.   
  
“Ok, yeah, well there was that. I did kind of barf in your bathroom, too.” She grinned sheepishly. Not her proudest moment.   
  
“True, but like you said, that was mostly Alya’s fault, and in honor of the reason for so many shots I’ll allow the event to go un-pun-ished.” He was grinning, hard. She knew he loved his puns, and she couldn’t help thinking he was probably proud of her for punning herself into such a wasted state. Maybe next time they could all get together and have a pun war.

****

No.

****

No there was no way that wouldn’t end badly for both of them.

****

“Well, I’m at a loss… Forgive me for not being on top of my A game at the moment.” Ladybug uncurled one arm to reach across the small gap and clutched at a portion of his shirt. She wasn’t sure why. It just seemed like a good idea to do at the moment.

****

“Well, my finals were over too. And Nino’s.” He pouted at her and she felt her heart shatter at the silly juvenile expression. “You two should have invited us along too. I totally would have ditched the Gorilla to hang out with you, M-...” He cut himself off abruptly. A tiny flash of uncertainty rolled across his face.

****

He’d been putting the pieces together. Or at least he’d been trying to. Her fingers clutched tighter into his shirt, then tugged gently to urge him closer. As he leaned in, she did her best to actually look up, willing her eyes to focus in the dark and barely making out the slightest tinge of green in the dark bathroom. He was breathing faster, wide eyed and nervous. 

****

Ladybug inched her head up and placed a quick peck on his lips, not wanting to linger too long after the events of the evening, and whispered as she pulled back from the stunned boy. 

****

“Marinette.”

****

She watched as relief washed over him as she confirmed his suspicion. A broad smile spread across his face as he followed her slight retreat to press a longer kiss against her lips. It seemed he didn’t care that she still smelled like the underside of a bar. If he didn’t care, she really didn’t either at that point.

****

Eventually he pulled away, the gleeful grin that dazzled across his face letting her know that they definitely wouldn’t be going to sleep any time soon. There would be way too much to talk about once she was up to leaving her porcelain perch.

****  
“Marinette.” He echoed.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS REALLY FUN and started out as a really stupid idea, but I really enjoyed writing the Adrien-Ladybug interaction.
> 
> showmeyoureros.tumblr.com


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